Anyone beginning to read this I will warn you right now this post is going to be a rant. Your choice to continue or not…
I was watching a talk show the other day and they were discussing questions that are just too personal to ask someone. One of the questions really hit home. Neil and I have been married nine months now and I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been asked this question, even prior to our wedding day. It’s a question we’ve heard from family, friends, co-workers, and people we barely know. I definitely don’t know where people got the idea that it’s an okay question to ask, but the dreaded question that I hear far too often is: “So, when are you going to have children?”
There are so many reasons I think this question is far too personal to ask anyone. First of all, what if the couple doesn’t want children, there are people that are happy without and never see themselves as wanting a child. Neil and I are definitely kid people and want children, but I don’t see anything wrong with not wanting kids. It’s a personal decision. Secondly, there is the possibility the couple can’t have children, is trying and not succeeding, or has suffered one or more miscarriages. If any of these are the case then the question just opened a very deep wound.
Maybe others don’t agree with me. Maybe this isn’t that personal of a question to them. I was raised in a very close, but private, family. We don’t ask a lot of questions because we know when a person’s ready they’ll come to us and talk. I am by far the least private person in my family and talk about most things very openly. Yet, I am so thankful that this question has never been asked of me by my parents or siblings.
I understand that I live in South Dakota and almost everyone marries and has children. Maybe that’s why people don’t think it’s a personal question. Just realize that before you ask what seems like a simple question that you have no idea what is going on with the couple and the question may not be quite as simple as you mean it to be.
I like your rant...I agree COMPLETELY. There are a few other questions too that I think people should just keep to themselves:
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I think that a lot of people just don't really "think" about the fact that not everyone thinks like them. They think if they have kids and are happy then everyone should, or if they went to college everyone should or yada yada. It is one of my number one pet peeves when people just think something should happen because it is how it happened for them. SIgh...I could keep going on this one for a long time. But I'll stop.